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<title>I Love You So Much That I Can't Breathe by LadyTabatha</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24171427">I Love You So Much That I Can't Breathe</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyTabatha/pseuds/LadyTabatha'>LadyTabatha</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>gotta make my own food (FE rarepairs) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hanahaki AU, Hanahaki Disease, Modern AU, Not Actually Unrequited Love, no beta we die like men, no death here folks</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:07:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>660</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24171427</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyTabatha/pseuds/LadyTabatha</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This is how it begins:</p><p>Azura is nineteen when she coughs up her first flower petals.</p><p>//</p><p>Or, the Ryozura Hanahaki AU that no one asked for but I wrote anyway.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aqua | Azura/Ryoma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>gotta make my own food (FE rarepairs) [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1659856</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Love You So Much That I Can't Breathe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrimsonViper/gifts">hiimtaz (CrimsonViper)</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For tumblr user @hiimtaz, who may or may not have an AO3, I don't know.</p><p>Edit: who does indeed have an AO3, so now I've formally gifted it to this wonderful artist.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This is how it begins: </p><p>Azura coughs up her first flower petals when she is nineteen years old. </p><p>She knows what it means. She’s heard of hanahaki, of the disease that turns unrequited feelings into flowers that choke the victim’s lungs.</p><p>She knows who her feelings are for, who it is that has led her to this point.</p><p>She even knows what flower will kill her: the petals are from a purple gladiolus. The “sword lily.” It’s fitting for the captain of the university’s kendo club.</p><p>---------</p><p>This is how the beginning ends:</p><p>She knows, when the first petals appear, that she will die. </p><p>She can’t tell Ryoma that she loves him. He would blame himself, she knows, and she would rather die than place that burden upon him.</p><p>She won’t undergo the surgery. It would remove the flowers, true, but it would also remove her ability to love, and she would rather die than stop loving him.</p><p>She would rather die. And so she will die.</p><p>---------</p><p>This is how the end begins:</p><p>Azura is at a party. Her birthday party, to be exact. She had tried to protest, had said that they didn’t need to do this, but they- Corrin, Elise, Camilla, Sakura- had insisted.</p><p>She blows out twenty candles on the beautiful cake, and coughs. And then coughs again. Suddenly there’s petals fluttering to the floor, whole blossoms following close behind. She falls to her knees and chokes as a whole stalk emerges from her throat.</p><p>She is surrounded by blood-stained flowers and horrified friends, and she cannot breathe. She tries to speak, to reassure them, but all that comes out is another flood of petals. She looks up- looks at Ryoma- and faints.</p><p>---------</p><p>This is how it ends: </p><p>He comes to visit her in her hospital room.</p><p>“You have hanahaki.” </p><p>It’s not a question, but she nods anyway.</p><p>“Tell me who it is,” Ryoma pleads. “It’s not too late. We can find him, maybe he’ll return your feelings!”</p><p>Azura coughs violently, and petals fall to the floor. “I can’t,” she says in between gasping breaths. “He doesn’t love me. And I won’t hurt him like this. He’ll think it’s his fault and it’s not, it’s never been his fault.” </p><p>“Please,” he begs. “Please. You’re dying. You can tell me, and I can find out if he loves you. I won’t tell him about this. You can be cured without making him feel like he’s responsible for all this.”</p><p>She hacks up another flower, a full one this time. The pollen tastes bitter, and the purple petals are sticky with blood. “No. I won’t tell.” <i>I can’t tell</i>, she thinks. <i>I can’t tell you, because it</i> is <i>you, and you’ll hate yourself forever if you find out.</i></p><p>“Azura, <i>please</i>!” he shouts. “I can’t just watch you die! I- I love you, okay? So tell me who you love and let me save your life, because my feelings don’t matter as long as you’re alive and happy!”</p><p>She freezes, then shudders in relief as she takes her first pain-free breath in almost a year. The weight in her lungs is gone.</p><p>Ryoma notices the change in her behavior, but doesn’t understand it at first. “Azura, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I know you’re in love with someone else. But I really do want to help-”</p><p>“No,” she says, her voice steady. “It’s not that. It’s you, Ryoma. I’m in love with you. But I didn’t ever imagine that you… I always thought you saw me as a sister.”</p><p>“So you wouldn’t tell me because…” </p><p>She nods. “Because I thought you would blame yourself.”</p><p>He kneels by the hospital bed and wraps her in his arms, holding her close, as if he’s trying to reassure himself that she’s real, she’s here, she’s alive. “Azura.”</p><p>She pulls back slightly at the mention of her name. “Yes?”</p><p>“May I kiss you?”</p><p>Instead of answering, she pulls him closer and kisses him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is trash and I know it, please don't @ me</p></blockquote></div></div>
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